apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
Randomize
