Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
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