Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
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