i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
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