There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
Randomize
