Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
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