The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
Randomize
