I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
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