His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
Randomize
