I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
Randomize