Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
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