I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
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