I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
Randomize
