I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
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