I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
Randomize
