I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
Randomize
