everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
Randomize
