So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
Randomize
