Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
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