dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
Randomize
