The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
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