omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
Randomize
