she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
Im tired as fuck but i cant leave him here like this i gave him the acid and i feel the responsibillity to put his mind back together its fun im an architect about to about to construct a whole new belief and moral system inside this soul. Talk about the best psychothearpy
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
Randomize
