just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
Randomize
