My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
Randomize
