nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
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