So gin and wine won't be happening again
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
Randomize
