when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
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