Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
Randomize
