tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
Terrible idea I love it
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
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