He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
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