I think I died a long time ago.
You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
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Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
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I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
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