why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
Randomize
