she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
Randomize
