Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
Randomize
