i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
Randomize
