Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
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