I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
I won't apologize to a one balled man
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
Randomize