i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
Pants are for mortals
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Randomize
