Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
Randomize
