I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
Drunk is a universal language darling
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