he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
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