i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
quick i need to know how implid consent works for golf carts
too late i think im gettin a gcui
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
Randomize
