Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
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