why didn't you poke me back
You drinking a lot?
No.
Define a lot
Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
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