it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
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