I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
Randomize
