And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
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