Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
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