He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
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