ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
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