i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
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