god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
Randomize
