Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
Randomize
