Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
Boobs speak an international language.
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
Randomize
