You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
Randomize
