great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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