How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
He looked way older than 15. He probably thought that since I have braces I was 15. Fuck. The 6 year age gap is never to be spoken about. Especially because what happened constitutes as illegal.
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
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