This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
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