bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
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