My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
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