I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
Randomize
