I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
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