she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
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