I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
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