i just wanna soil my oats bro
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
Randomize
