I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
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