just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
Randomize
