and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
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Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
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