I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Randomize
