Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
Randomize
