too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
i drank out of a bidet.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Randomize