whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
Randomize
