Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
Randomize
