nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
Randomize
