who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
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