I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
Randomize
