just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
Randomize
